Permission to Feel Good
photography by Renate Koßmann, 2019
The word "pleasure" itself comes coded with inappropriateness, quietly pushed to the edges of acceptable conversation.
We focus relentlessly on 'do' and 'get', on goals and accomplishments. It's okay to feel successful, accomplished, and celebrated. There's a whole culture around "treating ourselves" to something nice, which only makes transparent that 'treats' are not everyday things. That something that feels good makes sense as a reward (for something that felt less good or included something less desirable) rather than everyday casual thing.
Think about the last time something felt really good - maybe sunshine on your face, or the perfect bite of food, or a moment of connection. Did you let yourself fully enjoy it? Or did a little voice pipe up about getting back to work, or not getting too comfortable? These small moments show us something about how we've learned to relate to feeling good.
Treating pleasure as problematic creates a mistrust in ourselves, our bodies and our impulses. It leaves us with an underlying sense of doubt, therefore looking for external information to validate us and tell us how to act.
photography by Renate Koßmann, 2019
In conscious, sober play spaces, I've witnessed something different than what The Pleasure Panic might predict. Rather than the destructive chaos we are warned about when we focus on enjoyment and delight, there's often a natural flow toward collaboration and care. People discovering they can share desires openly, stay mindful of boundaries, and support each other's exploration. When pleasure doesn't need justification, connection deepens.
I've seen people gradually relax into being seen enjoying themselves. A genuine laugh breaking through careful composure. Eyes lighting up when discovering something feels unexpectedly good. Small moments of permission rippling out into larger possibilities.
When was the last time you used the word pleasure in casual conversation? Is there something you enjoy but feel you can only explore secretly? Try this if you feel inspired: spend some time looking in your own eyes through a mirror.
Can you love You with all the things that make you feel good?
